It’s a full moon and Republicans should be shot between the eyes

I had Express AGAIN! I hate Express for the millionth fucking time! Why are you torturing me!?!?!?!?! I hate self scan too. I’m so glad I had only one shift of it this week or I would’ve fucking shot someone.

I hate dumb people. Oh wait, that’s like 95% of my customers. I had an old lady I bagged for and I put her bread on top with frozen stuff and she goes “Hunny, that’s wet!” Um “hunny”, it’s in a plastic bag not the paper ones bake shop has them in. Get over it.

I forgot to mention the last time I worked I was getting backshop put together when I heard this big popping noise. Apparently the electrician was working on the electricity but caused an issue behind the service desk where the Photo stuff used to be. We all jumped, and one of my coworkers thought I shot off one of those plastic pop guns. They saw some smoke and flame pop off from the ground, where the circuits where. Apparently the guy eventually fixed the problem.

As I finished ringing up the last item of one lady’s order, she suddenly demands for her keys. “I don’t have them” Oh. She checks her purse and finds them and mentions that she needs to go home and take a nap. Yea lady you’re losing it. I’m going to take your keys and run like the fucking wind to steal your car. I’m all set, thanks.

About another minuter later, a woman asks me for her card back. “I don’t have it”. Again similar response as the last lady. Why the fuck would I want your card?

After that, I get this lady who buys VISA gift cards and one other item and pays for it with Stop and Shop cards. Of course this process takes forever and I’m forming a line with customers who just want to leave.

Then I got a bunch of customers who can’t read that it says “12 items or less”. After one of those customers I said when the customer was out of earshot, “Some people are numerically illiterate” All the customers in my line chuckled. Then a couple asked me what is the rule for express lanes if there is someone with more than allowed. I told them that if they already put stuff up I have to take them otherwise if they are line I’m supposed to nicely ask them to leave. They told me at Shaw’s (our competitor) that they can’t do anything about it.

I have another word of advice to people: If you have to count your items to figure out whether or not you’re expressworthy, go to a regular line because the chances are that you are not.

Then I had this whack job that was spacey. This lady stands and has a few items up and is checking out the magazines. I ring up the few items, and after a few seconds of her not paying attention, I said “Ma’am?”

She goes “Oh, it’s those tabloids they suck you in.”

Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Then I get this old man who is trying to use his EBT card (Electronic Benefits Transfer or food stamps as other people would know it as, and no EBT is NOT short for Debit or stupid shit you people try to pull on me) and it’s not working. He doesn’t have enough money, or as I found out later, he had none at all. He tried arguing with me. “I get more on Sunday” “Yes sir, but you don’t have any money at all now.” “But I get it Sunday” “Yes, but you have no funds until then.” This conversation took me a few swipes of his card and saying the same thing over and over again until he handed me cash for his food.

I’m sorry buddy, there’s no such thing as an advance on your card. You either have it or you don’t. The guy behind him felt bad, he said “You handled that well” I said “I have to, I have no choice.” I felt bad for the guy but he had no money on the card. At least he had other forms of payment on him. Some people who come through my line don’t even have anything but EBT. And if that shit runs out and they need food before the month is over, they are shit out of luck.

Then later I get a lady who wants to check her EBT balance. Lucky for her I knew how to do that because most people at this Stop and Shop don’t know how. We had to do it a few times because she kept hitting the wrong buttons or went too soon. She goes “I’m so embarrassed doing this.” I said “Don’t worry, we all need help sometimes.” I rather her check her balance then trying to buy stuff and find she has no money her card. Unlike the dude I had a few minutes prior to her.

Then I had this issue of my drawer not shutting. My drawer is different from the rest and the keyhole doesn’t stick out. And apparently whoever installed the damn thing did it incorrectly so the drawer gets pushed further into the register, causing a space and making the drawer jam. I ended up having customers leave because like always no manager or CSS is paying attention to my light blinking and they are no where in sight.

Then I had these ladies buy all this corn since its on sale for 5/$1.99. They bought sixty, through again Express. 60 ears of corn is not one thing, it’s 60.

Then I saw some Asian dude go through the other express lane with 5 boxes to the brim of corn and 4 cases of water. Again…12 ITEMS OR LESS!!!!!!!!!!

Then I get this damn lady arguing with me about ice cream. The ice cream is on sale for $1.99 and she’s trying to tell me in broken English that it’s 2/$5. I kept telling her it’s $1.99 and it’s cheaper. I didn’t tell her the other ice cream was $4.49 each and there was two of those. And if she thought those were 2/$5 well guess what lady they are not.

Then one of my coworkers Ashley came in. She was on the register behind me and this guy just left the basket on the belt while she was ringing. I have a bad pet peeve about people who don’t put baskets where they belong so I took it off the belt and threw in the ground and kicked it to where it belonged. The guy just looked at me. (That was your job buddy) Then I asked her later if she saw me kick it and I said I’m sorry I have no tolerance for people who don’t put their shit away.

Then came the kicker. This is why I said Republicans should be shot between the eyes.

I had this lady came in and I don’t know why we talked about food prices but we both agreed it’s because of our government and economic situation. Here’s how the rest went:

Lady: Yea, it’s because we need a new President. Certain leaders should be shot between the eyes, like for example, George Bush. All Republican leaders should be shot between the eyes.

Me: (Laughing) Yea, I have to be careful what I say because this one time this lady (and I was going to proceed to tell the story about the day I had some woman who is a huge Bush fan yell at me saying that George Bush is doing the right thing about the war and yada yada yada and I quickly shut my mouth before I said anything obscene like I wanted to to her.) when she interrupts me.

Lady: Yea, I worked in Barrington at a floral shop (Barrington is rich upper class white town in Rhode Island, no lie) and I was the only Democrat amongst 25 Republicans and I quit and I hope their shop burns down because of the economy because they backed up George Bush and look we are suffering because “we got four years of this good president” ….(Mind you this lady start shaking and getting a crazy look on her face)

Me: Yea, as I was saying I need to be careful because I got yelled at by a lady who’s a Bush supporter….

Lady: Yea anyone who supports Bush needs Prozac then they can talk to me. I’m a Democrat and let me tell you….(And she continues to babble on her way out the door)

Then I get a few more customers and as I was getting ready to leave I turn to Ashley:

“Did you hear that lady?”

“Yea”

“Like how she said people who believe in Prez. Bush need Prozac?”

“Yea” She giggles.

Me thinking: That lady needs Prozac, and maybe some Ritalin.  Not that I don’t agree with her, but she was all worked up over George Bush. Glad I didn’t ask “Obama or Clinton?”

By the way, I’m neither Democrat or Republican, although I lean more on Democratic issues than Republican. I’m a registered Independent. LOL.